I mentioned in my previous posts (here and here) how my last surgery did not go as expected.
During the entire experience, I was tired. I was in pain.
The nurses were trying to put peripheral venous catheters on my arms. Several times in fact as they were falling off. I guess my internal bleeding was contracting my veins.
It was hard for the nurses to find my veins. Each peripheral required at least 2 or 3 attempts. 2 or 3 times where you feel the pinch of the needle going under your skin. It was very uncomfortable.
I could have lost it. I could have gotten angry and bark at them to do a better job.
I saw everyone scrambling around me. I saw how things were not going as expected. I heard the number each time they measured my blood pressure or my temperature.
I could have started yelling for help. I could have started panicking.
I saw my surgeon. He reassured me that everything would be fine. Before going to the Operation Room, he made me sign a legal paper. I was unable to read, much less understand, at this point.
I could have snapped at him. I could have challenged his skills for being in this situation. I could have refused to sign the document and start a legal argument.
All the “coulds” I mentioned before were coming from thoughts my primitive brain was thinking. The superior part of my brain made sure those thoughts passed through with no reaction.
I deliberately chose to think that everyone was here for me. That the entire medical team had one sole purpose: my well-being.
I even chose to think that I was part of the team. My role was to watch my brain. Avoid it to go into fight/flight mode. And give the most accurate feedback when someone asked how I was feeling.
You are not your brain. You are the watcher.
The brain is just a tool. Make sure you run it and that it doesn’t run you.
With love,
Laurent