I woke up after 5 hours being under anesthesia. I was lying on a bed in a corner of the intensive care unit. Tubes plugged to my hands through intravenous catheter. Tubes in several parts of my abdomen all hooked to devices and pouches with fluids. Tubes in my nose delivering oxygen.
My wife was there, happy to see me wake up and smiling. I felt peaceful, still under the effects of the anesthesia. My parents showed up a few minutes later. I could see a huge relief in their eyes. They had always tried to preserve me from their fears. I could see in that moment what they had been living in the past 9 months.
My wife told me the surgeon was very happy with the surgery. It had gone smoothly, and they finished faster than they had planned for. He mentioned that I would have one last surgery in 6 weeks, but that my journey with cancer was over.
My wife and my parents had to leave the intensive care unit. I stayed there in silence, reflecting on the past 9 months. I suddenly shed gentle tears. Enjoying that moment where I was admiring myself for going through my journey.
And then it hit me. When was the last time I admired myself? It must have been decades ago.
I’m not talking about arrogance, meaning thinking that I am better than everyone else. It was true, sincere admiration for the incredible human being that I am. Why didn’t I admire myself more often? Wasn’t I worth admiration?
Lesson of that day: remember to admire yourself often. You are worth all your admiration.
With love,
Laurent