One strange phenomenon going through cancer is how relationships change. Whether it’s family, friends or colleagues, relationships take on a new dynamic as soon as the news is out there.
I had cancer in me for several years before the diagnosis. So, it’s not cancer that changed the dynamic. It changed when others became aware of my condition. What changed was suddenly people having their own thoughts about cancer. It triggered a variety of emotions in them and a set of new actions towards me.
Some were fearful and distanced themselves from me. Others felt invested of a mission, overly reaching out, giving me all the medical, dietary, lifestyle advice imaginable. A lot of people felt confused as they had never dealt with a situation like this in their past. They didn’t know how to deal with it.
Whatever people felt and did, it had nothing to do with me. It was all related to their thoughts about cancer. That’s why I didn’t feel angry, frustrated or sad when our relationships changed. I was only curious about the whole process. I didn’t judge anyone. I continued to feel love for those around me, even those that had decided to disappear temporarily from my life.
It also reminded me what I would do if I were in their shoes. When someone around you is going through a medical condition like cancer, what kind of relationship do you want to have with that person? Do you want a relationship with the person or with the medical condition? If your thoughts are all about the medical condition, that’s the relationship you’re having. I don’t say you need to ignore it. But be intentional with your thoughts about the other person. Be intentional about the emotions you want to feel. Be intentional on how you want to show up for him/her.
With love,
Laurent